I wish (a poem)

I Wish...

I wish I could say you put the gun in my hand
My lack of success, the lack of being a man
I wish I could say I love you but no
Not after we found you interred in the floor
I wish I could tell you to walk in my shoes
The war in my head not being one person but two
I wish I could say that I hate you for leaving me
Not being there for groundings, proms, and puberty
I wish I could say you left one not three
Yet there's two beautiful women that you'll never see
They could have been nothing given what you allowed
Now you'll never reap the benefits their success, their class, their vows
I wish I could say "one day I'll stop hating you"
Yet all the while it consumes me the more I become like you
J.M.S.